Debunking Myths of Motherhood.

Yesterday the Cooper clan took a 2 hour road trip so my husband Marc could fulfill item #64 on his bucket list. Marc has always dreamed of milking a cow. And since I won't let him practice on me, he did some legwork and found out that one of his employees grew up on a farm. The whole drive up, he was as giddy as a Tween at a Justin Bieber concert. I know firsthand the sheer joy and excitement that he felt because recently I too got to experience one of my dreams when I went to see a taping of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

As parents who have busy careers and are doing our best to raise a well-adjusted child, it would have been easy to let these opportunities pass us by. To allow guilt and logic stand in our way of doing something that was just for us. But by doing that, we would have been bitter and resentful. And it's hard to raise a happy child when the parents are miserable.

Unfortunately many mothers buy into the myths of what a "good mom" is supposed to be. We often compare ourselves to beautiful, care free images of moms happily playing with their adorable, clean kids and beat ourselves up when we don't feel or look the same way.

Here's the truth. Motherhood is not a one size fits all. You can read all the parenting books in the world but if the messages don't gel with who you are as a person and align with your core values and beliefs, the so called "expert" advice is futile.

It's time to get real, moms. Let's look at some common myths about motherhood and debunk them once and for all.

Myth 1- A good mom always loves being a mom. We've all had days when we've wanted to escape Thelma and Louise style. As much as we love our kids, there are times when they can be incredibly annoying. Just because they're a product of your loins, doesn't make you "Mommy Dearest" if you don't like every sound, gesture and comment they make.

Myth 2- A good mom bonds with her baby right away. Some moms experience love at first sight, and others are too overwhelmed to feel the connection right away. There's no right or wrong reaction. Making the transition into motherhood is like a fine wine. It gets better with age when you've both had some time to breathe.

Myth 3- A good mom can do it all. We all know "that mom" who looks great, has a successful career, well behaved kids and a house that could be featured in Martha Stewart Living. But the truth is, there is no way she is doing this without help or some serious medication. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. There's a saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." So stop thinking that you have to do it all alone.

Myth 4- A good mom puts everyone else's needs before her own. It seems that today's mom is lower down on her priority list than the dust bunnies forming under her fridge. It's important to be there for your family and to make sure their basic needs are being met. But if you consider it a successful day because you got to brush your teeth, it's time to reevaluate where you fall in the pecking order. You can't give what you don't have. So put yourself at the top of your list and start to treat yourself with the same love and attention you give your family.

Myth 5: A good mom doesn't admit how she really feels. If moms actually admitted out loud to feeling guilty, overwhelmed, afraid, angry and resentful (just to name a few), that would make her a bad mom, right? Wrong! Last time I checked, moms are human beings and humans have feelings. We encourage our kids to use their words and tell us how they're feeling. What makes you any different? Be comforted to know that you're not the only mom who feels this way. If you don't have a supportive, non-judgmental network around you seek out an objective person to talk to. Like a friendly life coach, perhaps. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.

Myth 6: Being a good mom is innate. Transitioning into motherhood is a very difficult thing especially if you were a successful career woman before becoming a mother. In your former life, you were calling the shots. Now you're thrust in a situation where you have less control than a shopoholic at a sample sale! You may have certain instincts that kick in when your milk does but thinking that you'll have all the answers right away is like expecting to speak fluent Italian just because you flew to Rome.

Now it's your turn. Click here to share some of the myths you've heard about motherhood. If you'd like me to help you redefine motherhood so you can free yourself of the debilitating thoughts that have been holding you back, click here to set up a complimentary coaching consultation.

Comments

[Annamarie Murray]

Two thumbs up Carly for your words of wisdom! As a mother whose kids are now between 20 and 26, I wholeheartedly agree with your words of advice. You must look after yourself first in order to raise your kids to be the best they can be.